Some people seem to think that depression is just feeling sad. You’d be forgiven for thinking that- the phrases ‘I’m so depressed’ and ‘that’s so depressing’ are thrown around like confetti in this day and age. Depressed is a term that is used very loosely and so often that its real meaning is lost, so that that many people don’t truly understand. Those with depression are often mocked; they are often told they are exaggerating, being dramatic, or lying for attention. They are often told to pull themselves together, or to snap out of. But depression is not something that you can just ‘snap out’ of.
Depression is like feeling so hopeless that you feel nothing will every get better. Its being so sad that your chest physically hurts. Depression is like having a black cloud hanging over you, that blocks out all of the sun. nothing good comes into your life because you push it away. Its lonely. You are terrified of hurting other people with your illness, so instead of facing them, its so much easier to just push them out of your life.
Depression is a voice in your head, telling you that you are worthless, that you are nothing. It tells you that everyone hates you, that you mean nothing. It tells you that everyone would be better off without you, and in the end you start to believe it.
Depression is a weight sitting on your chest that makes it physically impossible for you to get out of bed in the mornings. It is a chain that shackles you to your unmade bed, stopping you from working, socialising, leaving the house, showering or even eating. You just lie there, unable to do anything. Unable to answer the phone, unable to reply to those texts, unable to move. Depression is being so drained that you cannot move at all. It is being desperate for a sip of water, but unable to lift your hand just a few centimetres to the glass beside you. Your mind is racing but your body is constantly exhausted.
But sometimes, depression is nothing. You feel nothing. No sadness, no pain, no nothing. Just emptiness. And sometimes, its this feeling that is the worst of all.